True Love

 God Gave Me You - Blake Shelton

 According To You - Orianthi

 Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum

 This ~ Darius Rucker

So you are all probably wondering why I posted all the videos that I did. Well if you know any of these songs, you'll realize that they are all love songs...and not just any old love songs. Love songs from the heart. You can see where I'm going with this....

Now normally I'm not the type that gets all mushy and lovey-dovey, but for some reason today I haven't been able to help it...and I'm not sorry about that! I think it's because I realized recently that I am now officially in the longest relationship that I've ever been in (1 year and 9 months-ish). Granted my other 2 relationships were long as well (maybe even too long in one case...)

I have been truly blessed by my Abba to have been sent such a kind, caring, understanding, and patient (VERY patient to deal with the likes of me!) man to call my love. And when I say that Daniel Shumway is my love, I mean it with every ounce of my being. 

I've never been a true believer of true love until Dan came into my life. I thought that I knew what love was before, but boy was I wrong! And to think that it was quite possible that we were never going to be together. For those of you who don't know the story...well I'll tell you.

Both Dan and I were at the point in our lives where we had given up on finding a significant other...we wanted to be single and NOT be with someone. It was too much hassle and always seemed to be more trouble than they were worth. I mean I was even to the point where I told G-d that I was "over the entire boyfriend thing...I'm done with it! If I date again, it will only be to the person that was very obviously chosen by You."

Enter Dan.

Literally probably only a month after I talked with my Abba about the whole "dating" thing. My ideal was literally a "Jewish Cowboy" (and this thought was before I even knew of his existence). So when Dan stepped into the picture, I can tell you that I was interested, though not ready to make that plunge.

Add friends.

The first time I met Dan, I was at the Residence Hall hanging out with my friends. I don't even remember saying anything to him. Just after Kevin and I made it official that we were done, my friends took me out bowling. Dan was there. I still had no interest at this point. Then there was the New Year's Eve party. My lovely, wonderful friends embarrassed the crap out of me... multiple times. At this point, the interest was building, but there was another man at the same time. As midnight approached, I can remember my wonderful friends telling me that I'd "have a kiss for each cheek". The three of us have never been redder in our lives.

Time.

I began to hang out at the Residence Hall every chance that I had...which turned into every day. At first, all of my friends would hang out with me (it had been so long since I had hung out with them!) but eventually they stopped hanging out with me in the lobby for hours at a time...they had other stuff to do. But not Dan. We hung out the entire time. That's when my friends became horrendously wonderful.

A nudge here. A look there. I was ready to kill them all...as was Dan I suppose. One night Amber finally dragged me into her room and asked me point blank. "Who do you like? Dan or Nate?" It was the day that I had finally admitted to myself and another person that I had fallen for Dan. But the prodding always continued. My friends even tortured us when we were together. When John said something to Dan or Tessa said something to me Dan and I would not even look at each other. We knew that we liked each other. There was no doubt at this time.

Finally, one night as the group of us were sitting in the lobby, Dan finally looked at me as we were sitting right next to one another. He said "You know, I like you." I told him, "I like you too!"

Then he bolted up the staircase to use the bathroom. None of our friends had even heard. It wouldn't be a couple of weeks later, after we made plans to go out to dinner and a movie, we finally questioned what we were. That's when we officially became a couple. 

And I couldn't have been happier. Dan's made me the happiest girl in the world. He treats me better than I deserve sometimes with all of the crap that I give him. But no matter how stupid I am or how mean I could get, he stays with me. I don't get it, but I'm grateful. 

The first video, "God Gave Me You" is so true. My Abba knew what I needed and as soon as I let him pick the man that was meant for me, my happiness increase 10 fold! The second, "According to You" I feel just fits the situation. He says that I am "beautiful, incredible\He can't get me out of his head". The next, "Just a Kiss" is just so sweet and makes me think of him. And finally, "This" is how I feel... "Thank God for all I missed\Cuz it led me here to this".

Daniel Shumway, I love you more than I can write about here. You are my everything and my world. God truly did give me you and I am forever grateful!

Goodbyes

I've finally figured out something that I absolutely hate about college...you meet so many great people, then they leave. Of course, it's not their fault, it's not yours. It's just the way it is, but it doesn't make it any less sad nor hard. It seems like this year, so many people that I know and love are moving away to continue on their education. Even people I didn't get to know all that well seem to be leaving.


It's just the way things are I guess. Now, I've always hated "good-byes" and I always will. The words "good bye" seem so final and are so contradictory. When you say "good-bye" to a friend, their leaving doesn't seem to be good whatsoever. Sure, its probably what needs to be done, but, like I've said, it doesn't make it any easier. I know, it really is selfish on my part to feel this way but I can't help but feeling it.


Soon, even Dan will be heading off to a different school. Some other friends have already left. But this isn't the final "goodbye". It's more of a "see ya later!" and I think I can handle that. Besides, not everyone is leaving me. I still have quite a few friends that will still be around and I love them just as much as those that are leaving. Sure, things can and will change, but I know I can handle it.


So to all those pursuing their dreams from a farther distance, I wishyou all good luck. To the ones staying close, I wish the same. You have all touched my lives in some form or another - even if you don't think that a smile didn't go unnoticed or a word didn't go unheard, know that you have touched my life and I am forever grateful that my Abba brought us together - no matter how long or how brief our meeting was.


Good luck in your adventures both near and far! I love you all! :)


~Amy

Daddy

Its amazing just how quickly time passes. I mean, I'm suddenly 22 (nearly 23) and in college when it seemed like only yesterday I was entering high school. And it seems like only just yesterday you were taken from this earth.

10 years ago. It will have been 10 years on March 19th. It's so hard to believe that the time has already passed that fast, yet at the same time it still feels like forever and a day ago. It was the day that my life changed forever.

It was the day my daddy was taken from this earth.

It was a horrible time in my life and, despite how "put together" my life since has seemed afterwards, there has always been this deep-rooted pain that resides in my heart - a hole that will never again be filled. The jolts of pain have diminished throughout the years, but have never completely gone. It will never completely go away.

I think about all of things he has missed in my life - going to high school, teaching me to drive, interrogating my first boyfriend (and all of them after that), seeing me off to prom, awards nights, high school graduation, hearing about my scholarship, sending me off to college for the first time, meeting Dan, getting my associate of arts and now my associate of applied science in ECE...of course, then I realize he's smiling down on me from Heaven. But even so, I want him to someday give me away at my wedding, see his grandchildren...all of that stuff.

It is a somber and sad time right now in my life, and I have noticed I've been much more irritable than normal. For that, I do apologize to anyone it has affected. I'm trying my best to control that. Its just hard to go through my day realizing what I have lost...especially this time of year. He was my daddy.

I think about all the words I could have said and didn't or those that I did say and shouldn't. All the times I was angry with G-d and at myself. Thankfully those times have passed and I am much wiser about the whole thing. I've realized now that everything happens for a reason (something that I firmly believe!). Sad to say, if it wasn't for my father passing I might not have ever come to North Central, never have met my best friends, never met Dan, and maybe wouldn't even be in the career field that I've chosen to go into. I may not have gotten a job at the bookstore and met my most wonderful co-workers that G-d could have ever blessed me with! And, I probably would have never become a Messianic believe in Messiah Yeshua. I cannot imagine my life without this solid and real belief in my Abba. I may not have even believed at this point. In all my life, my faith has never been stronger than it is at this moment. I love it.

That's not to say that I would never want my father back. Of course I would do just about anything to have even one more day with him. I miss him terribly. What I wouldn't give to tell him I love him once more, to show him the young woman that I've become, for him to meet (and interrogate) Dan...all of it. My only solace is in the fact that one day I will meet him again.

I am always thankful, but this time of year I am even more thankful to have such wonderful friends surrounding me every day and a wonderful boyfriend to lift my spirits when they are low. My friends have done so every day lately whether or not they realize it. They were truly sent to me by my Abba and I have never been more thankful. Dan, Amber, Lou, John, and Tessa - thank you for helping me each and every day. Of course, there are numerous others that have made me smile without even realizing it; pulling me out of despair even if only for a minute or two helped greatly.

Of course, my family has always been there for me from the beginning, sharing in my grief. I love them so much and I also know that they were sent by my Adonai!

I will not say that things have been easy in the past 10 years. They have been a struggle and there have been many dark moments. There were many times that I didn't know what I was going to do...there were many times that I didn't even care. But the whole experience has made me into the person that I am today. It's been a long, hard road but I am finally happy with how everything in my life is. So, while I am mourning the passing of my father, I am also reminded of the things in my life that I do have now.

  Yis'ga'dal v'yis'kadash sh'may ra'bbo, b'olmo dee'vro chir'usay v'yamlich malchu'say, b'chayaychon uv'yomay'chon uv'chayay d'chol bais Yisroel, ba'agolo u'viz'man koriv; v'imru Omein.
     Y'hay shmay rabbo m'vorach l'olam ul'olmay olmayo.
     Yisborach v'yishtabach v'yispoar v'yisromam v'yismasay, v'yishador v'yis'aleh v'yisalal, shmay d'kudsho, brich hu, l'aylo min kl birchoso v'sheeroso, tush'bechoso v'nechemoso, da,ameeran b'olmo; vimru Omein.
     Y'hay shlomo rabbo min sh'mayo, v'chayim alaynu v'al kol Yisroel; v'imru Omein.
     Oseh sholom bimromov, hu ya'aseh sholom olaynu, v'al kol yisroel; vimru Omein.

May the great Name of God be exalted and sanctified, throughout the world, which he has created according to his will. May his Kingship be established in your lifetime and in your days, and in the lifetime of the entire household of Israel, swiftly and in the near future; and say, Amen.May his great name be blessed, forever and ever.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, honored elevated and lauded be the Name of the holy one, Blessed is he- above and beyond any blessings and hymns, Praises and consolations which are uttered in the world; and say Amen. May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life, upon us and upon all Israel; and say, Amen. 

The Blessed Little Ones

So tomorrow, I take the next step into my education in early childhood education program. Tomorrow I get to go visit the center I will be doing my practicum in. I am so terrified and excited at the same time! It is so amazing that such strong yet opposite emotions can exist in one human being at the exact same time.

First, I am terrified. Of course, almost everyone has a fear of the unknown but I have a tendency to let it plague me. I don't really know anyone there but the center's director (who I will not be seeing tomorrow). I don't know the layout, the children, the parents; no one! I also am not sure what to expect. Will the like me? Will they be welcoming or will the be reserved? How will it play out?

Of course, the biggest reason that I am terrified is that I am worried that I will not be able to cut it. I worry that I will not be good enough to teach such little ones. Ever since I realized that going into the early childhood education program here at the college was what I wanted to do with my life, I found that it was something that I've had experience with for the majority of my life! I saw so many things leading me up to this that I have been thinking that this is exactly where G-d wants me to be. I pray that it is of course, but there's still a feeling of inadequacy that I have not been able to shake. Am I right for the job? That's what this practicum will show me I guess.

Of course, I love children. I always have and I know I always will. I am so very excited to finally get into the program. When I get in despair about not being good enough, my Abba always seems to steer my mind back to my high school days when I took the ECE program in high school. How much fun did I have with that? So much so! It was one of the few things I actually liked about high school. The director and teacher there seemed to believe that I was a good fit for the program as I was one of the highest scoring people in my class. She can't be too wrong, can she?

Then I think back to xmas when I visited my aunt and uncle and spent the majority of the time interacting with my 9 year old cousin, Debra. Though she tired me right out, I still smile thinking back to that. Playing with her new nerf gun, then sitting at the table coloring Scooby-Doo and doing the word puzzles made me even more excited for the practicum experience than before!

Next week beings my semester long 12 hours a week at Watch Me Grow here in Petoskey and solidifies the choice I have made for myself. I already know that I will go through an emotional rollercoaster, but I've been on a bigger, scarier one before. My Adonai will not bring me to something that I cannot handle at all.

Why I DON'T celebrate xmas (WARNING: MAY OFFEND!)

Every time I see someone post “Jesus is the reason for the season” I cringe. I always want to write back to them… “Check up on your history…MITHRA is the reason for the season.”

            If you don’t want to know anything farther or don’t want to get offended, I suggest you stop reading. Right now. Do it.

           

            Wow you’re still reading? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

            Google “origin of christmas”.  You will soon realize that December 25^th is NOT the day Yeshua was born. According to the scriptures, he would have been born around September\October (Sukkot anyone?) Palestine is cold in December, and, because of that shepherds probably aren’t going to be freezing their tushes off in the fields. Yeshua is thought to have been 33.5 years old when he died. Since, also, the “last supper” was a PASSOVER sedar (this takes place during the spring…usually in March\April) and Yeshua died shortly after, he obviously couldn’t have been born in December. Trace that half of a year back…you’ll get September\October!

            Many Christians themselves agree with this. Quoted from allaboutjesus.com:

            “John the Baptist also helps us determine that December 25 is not the birth of Jesus. Elizabeth, John's mother, was a cousin of Mary. John began his ministry in the 15th year of Tiberius Caesar. The minimum age for the ministry was 30. As Augustus died on August 19, A.D. 14, that was the accession year for Tiberius. If John was born on April 19-20, 2 B.C., his 30th birthday would have been April 19-20, A.D. 29, or the 15th year of Tiberius. This seems to confirm the 2 B.C. date, and, since John was 5 months older, this also confirms an autumn birth date for Jesus. 

Another interesting fact comes from Elizabeth herself. She hid herself for 5 months and then the Angel Gabriel announced to Mary both Elizabeth's condition and that Mary would also bear a son who would be called Jesus. Mary went "with haste" to visit Elizabeth, who was then in the first week of her 6th month, or the 4th week of Dec., 3 B.C. If Jesus was born 280 days later it would place his birth on Sept. 29, 2 B.C. Some scholars interpret the 6 months to be in line with the Hebrew calendar or the August-September time frame. Since Mary's pregnancy commenced a little before the sixth month around July, Jesus would be born somewhere around March-June. But does it matter if Jesus was born on the spring, the fall, or on December 25? Does it matter, theologically, when Jesus was born? What do you think, does it matter what day we celebrate His birth?”

    

     Of course, to that last question, I answer…DUH! Would you want someone suddenly deciding to celebrate your birthday on, oh say, May 22^nd (my birthday) when that is NOT the day you were born? I wouldn’t like that though. I doubt very much that you would either.

            So where on earth did the church get the December 25^th date when the evidence is CLEAR that Yeshua was NOT born that day?

            That’s where good old paganism comes in! You see, the Catholic Church needed more money and…well how do you get more money? More people! In order for the church to get more members, they allowed the coming pagans to keep their December 25^th celebration practices – which included drunkenness, sexual immortality, and, even, human sacrifices. Look it up!

            Christmas began to the Romans as “Saturnalia” which was a week long period where laws were not enforced. People could damage things or others without fear of getting into trouble. It is even said that each community chose a person in which they forced to indulge in food and other physical pleasures for the week, then sacrificed that person at the end of the festival to “destroy the forces of darkness”. This person (man or woman) was BRUTALLY murdered.

            Some of the customs were revived in 1466 when Pope Paul II – to amuse the Roman citizens, forced Jews to run naked through the city streets. An eyewitness account states that:

“Before they were to run, the Jews were richly fed, so as to make the race more difficult for them and at the same time more amusing for spectators.  They ran… amid Rome’s taunting shrieks and peals of laughter, while the Holy Father stood upon a richly ornamented balcony and laughed heartily.”

            Rabbis in the ghettos of Rome were forced to wear clown outfits and made to march in the streets, pelted by whatever the onlookers could find. December 25, 1881, Christian leaders whipped the Polish people into frenzies that led to riots. In Warsaw, 12 Jews were BRUTALLY MURDERED, many more injured, and many Jewish women were raped.

            Makes you want to continue the tradition doesn’t it?

            So…you’re still reading. I’m very surprised. So where do those modern “christmas” things come from? Well I’ll tell you!

            The Christmas Tree came from pagan practices. If you look at it, guess what fertility symbol you see? That's right...a big ol' penis. But did you know that Scriptures warn AGAINST this practice? Check out this passage:

            “Jeremiah 10:2-4: "Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not." (KJV)

            Pretty obvious if you ask me.

            Caroling was also done during Saturnalia and it came from singing naked in the streets. Yikes!

            

            Holly – gueess what guys…there are dozens of different types of holly…most of them have male and female types. Female holly plants cannot have berries unless pollinated by the male types. Mmmm…can you guess what this was a symbol of in paganism? That’s right! Fertility! Oh boy! The berries were also thought to be sacred to the SUN GOD!

            

              Now the beloved mistletoe! “Kissing under the mistletoe” came from the drunken orgies that used to be done during Saturnalia. Mistletoe was thought to have special powers of healing and…guess what…fertility…for those that “kissed” and did other things underneath it. The Celtics used to give mistletoe as a remedy to barren animals to make them fertile.

           

              So where does Mithra fit into all of this?

           

             Well, Emperor Aurelian prescribed December 25^th as the birthday of Mithra. It wouldn’t be until 313 A.D. that Emperor Constantine declared it to be "Jesus’" birthday. The celebration of Sabbath on Sunday (Sabbath Day literally is Saturday) because it was the DAY of the SUN (Sun-day? Get it?) This was another element of Mithra Worship. Check out the similarities between the Christian “Jesus” and Mithra. You’ll be very VERY surprised. (It’s the reason I differentiate between the Christian “Jesus” and the Savior, Yeshua!)

            G-d warns us various times to not mix the holy and the profane. So, honestly, do you think that He’s okay with people doing this sort of “worship” to Him?

            I can hear you guys now. “Well that’s not the way I see it…” My question is….does it MATTER what way YOU see it, or does it matter what way HE sees it? G-d sees all…not just what’s going on currently, but in the past and in the future. He still sees the pagan practices of sexual immortality, drunkenness, murders, and sacrifices done to pagan gods. Why would He approve of people doing this and calling it His birthday???

            After all…remember that the Israelites were not worshipping the golden calf…they were “worshipping” G-d in their own way…through the golden calf!

Abba, my Father

I have been a Messianic believer in Messiah Yeshua for, oh probably about 8 years now. When I first came into the faith, I was excited! I was getting in touch with my Hebrew roots and learning things I never knew. Even for a 13\14 year old, I knew what I was hearing was finally the RIGHT thing.

Then, as I went off to college, things started to change. I still believed with all my heart, but I began to lose that zeal for Adonai and his Word. It saddened me but for some reason that still didn't motivate me much to do something about it. My first Sukkot with B'nai Shalom Messianic Congregation down in Oklahoma sparked some interest, but for some reason it was squelched. 

But a great thing happened. I approached my Father as the King He is in my prayers after learning about the Amidah from Rico Cortez. After my breakup I asked Him that if I were to have someone, it would have to be someone of His choosing - someone who had an idea of what I believed and knew that I was not insane. My Abba knows me well and knew that I needed someone to push me back to Him. Because I approached him withe respect and reverence, my Abba gave me what I needed.

Now, three weeks or so after I have come back from my second Sukkot, I find that the zeal I felt in the camp of righteousness isn't gone. I'm still hungry for His Word and that delights me and my soul. I may not listen to a teaching a day, but I still listen more than ever. I desire to know my Father's Word and to hear His voice. I want to know him intimately. I am feeling complete and whole again. Its a marvelous feeling! 

I had my Mikvah while at Sukkot where I publicly announced my faith before my teachers, the congregation, and more importantly, my Messiah. I still get butterflies thinking about it. I am glad that my first submerging was my Mikvah (I have never been baptized). I felt the Living Waters rush all over me as I fell face first into them, cleansing me and instilling the thirst for Him into my body. And I am still thirsting for him! I delight in his Word when I learn something new (and since He is the Living Word, there is always something new to learn!) 

My Abba, I delight in Your Torah! I will forever trust in You and praise Your holy name! For you are Holy in all the earth! Your voice comforts me and teaches me. You are my Abba, and I love You!

Mommy

As a first time blogger, I am unsure of exactly what I'm doing and why. All I know is that writing is a passion of mine - a passion that's been around ever since I was little. I have always loved words...I guess its because my mother instilled this love in me ever since I was little. She loves words as well, but never to write. I've never seen her write fiction, nor non-fiction stories for that matter. But she loves to read.

Perhaps that's why I gained an interest in this blogging thing. Will I stick with it? Who knows. I'll try though. And as for my first entry, I don't know how interesting it will be. Heck, I highly doubt my blog will bring about the philosophical "interesting" moments that the famous ones seem to hold. All I know is that I love to write and that's that.

I've been wrestling for hours about what to write in this blog. I thought about love, about relationships, about God, about writing...but about 2 minutes ago I knew what I had to write about.

My mommy.

It may seem strange for a 22 year old college student to refer to her mother as "mommy" but I do. Why? I have no idea. I just like to do it for some reason. Perhaps its because deep down we still have a childlike quality among us. All I know is that the woman I call my "mommy" is probably the most important person in my life.

If you know me, then you know what tragedy my family has suffered from. If you don't, then I'll tell you. At 12 years old, I had to endure something that no child that age should have to: the sudden, unexpected death of my father. It was such a difficult time and I made a lot of stupid choices in the years that followed because of the anger and frustration that I felt. High school quickly became hell in my mind. I am sad to say that I wasted those years of my life.

But no matter what was going on in me or my younger sister, or even my mom's life, she stayed strong for us. She protected us and somehow managed to give us everything we needed despite the fact that she worked about 50 hours a week and, for a few years, took night classes through a local community college (of which now I am currently attending).

I know what the ultimate sacrifice is because of my mother. She slaved away as a waitress, on a waitress salary, working with customers that were jerks, and working long hours doing incredibly exhausting physical tasks...just so that my sister and I had a home to come to and dinner on the table.

My mom always has been a strong, independent woman. I guess that's where I get it from. And I am glad. In school, I cannot tell you how many times I had to write a paper about my hero. I would write about my mom. I know, to the teachers it was probably just "oh what a suck-up". What they probably didn't realize though is that I truly meant it. My mom is my hero. She is strong and courageous...not many mom's can tell their 11 and 12 year old daughters that daddy died and comfort her children without going hysterical (even if she felt like it). Not many would sacrifice everything to work at a job she didn't like just so that her kids could figure skate or play soccer.

But now I want my mommy to do something for herself. Every night for the past week I've prayed to my Heavenly Father to give her the strength to go back to college and get a certificate. Nothing would make me happier than to see my mom walk across that stage in a cap and gown, getting her college certificate (and to be even cooler, get it the same year I get my second Associates degree though unfortunately that will not happen)....to see her finish what she has already started. It would make me proud to see that she would finally get what she needed.

Of course, I am already proud of her as it is. I could not have ever asked for a better mother. She is strong, witty, funny, kind, sacrificing, and always willing to help out those in need even though she is not well off herself. My mom is always donating clothing or money or canned goods to someone somewhere. I only wish I could be as generous as she is.

I pray that G-d protects her and helps her. I know that He finds favor with His obedient and kind daughter. I know that He will bless her and hold her in high regard. She is a wonderful human being and I love her so much. I am proud to call her my "mommy".