So tomorrow, I take the next step into my education in early childhood education program. Tomorrow I get to go visit the center I will be doing my practicum in. I am so terrified and excited at the same time! It is so amazing that such strong yet opposite emotions can exist in one human being at the exact same time.
First, I am terrified. Of course, almost everyone has a fear of the unknown but I have a tendency to let it plague me. I don't really know anyone there but the center's director (who I will not be seeing tomorrow). I don't know the layout, the children, the parents; no one! I also am not sure what to expect. Will the like me? Will they be welcoming or will the be reserved? How will it play out?
Of course, the biggest reason that I am terrified is that I am worried that I will not be able to cut it. I worry that I will not be good enough to teach such little ones. Ever since I realized that going into the early childhood education program here at the college was what I wanted to do with my life, I found that it was something that I've had experience with for the majority of my life! I saw so many things leading me up to this that I have been thinking that this is exactly where G-d wants me to be. I pray that it is of course, but there's still a feeling of inadequacy that I have not been able to shake. Am I right for the job? That's what this practicum will show me I guess.
Of course, I love children. I always have and I know I always will. I am so very excited to finally get into the program. When I get in despair about not being good enough, my Abba always seems to steer my mind back to my high school days when I took the ECE program in high school. How much fun did I have with that? So much so! It was one of the few things I actually liked about high school. The director and teacher there seemed to believe that I was a good fit for the program as I was one of the highest scoring people in my class. She can't be too wrong, can she?
Then I think back to xmas when I visited my aunt and uncle and spent the majority of the time interacting with my 9 year old cousin, Debra. Though she tired me right out, I still smile thinking back to that. Playing with her new nerf gun, then sitting at the table coloring Scooby-Doo and doing the word puzzles made me even more excited for the practicum experience than before!
Next week beings my semester long 12 hours a week at Watch Me Grow here in Petoskey and solidifies the choice I have made for myself. I already know that I will go through an emotional rollercoaster, but I've been on a bigger, scarier one before. My Adonai will not bring me to something that I cannot handle at all.
