True Love

 God Gave Me You - Blake Shelton

 According To You - Orianthi

 Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum

 This ~ Darius Rucker

So you are all probably wondering why I posted all the videos that I did. Well if you know any of these songs, you'll realize that they are all love songs...and not just any old love songs. Love songs from the heart. You can see where I'm going with this....

Now normally I'm not the type that gets all mushy and lovey-dovey, but for some reason today I haven't been able to help it...and I'm not sorry about that! I think it's because I realized recently that I am now officially in the longest relationship that I've ever been in (1 year and 9 months-ish). Granted my other 2 relationships were long as well (maybe even too long in one case...)

I have been truly blessed by my Abba to have been sent such a kind, caring, understanding, and patient (VERY patient to deal with the likes of me!) man to call my love. And when I say that Daniel Shumway is my love, I mean it with every ounce of my being. 

I've never been a true believer of true love until Dan came into my life. I thought that I knew what love was before, but boy was I wrong! And to think that it was quite possible that we were never going to be together. For those of you who don't know the story...well I'll tell you.

Both Dan and I were at the point in our lives where we had given up on finding a significant other...we wanted to be single and NOT be with someone. It was too much hassle and always seemed to be more trouble than they were worth. I mean I was even to the point where I told G-d that I was "over the entire boyfriend thing...I'm done with it! If I date again, it will only be to the person that was very obviously chosen by You."

Enter Dan.

Literally probably only a month after I talked with my Abba about the whole "dating" thing. My ideal was literally a "Jewish Cowboy" (and this thought was before I even knew of his existence). So when Dan stepped into the picture, I can tell you that I was interested, though not ready to make that plunge.

Add friends.

The first time I met Dan, I was at the Residence Hall hanging out with my friends. I don't even remember saying anything to him. Just after Kevin and I made it official that we were done, my friends took me out bowling. Dan was there. I still had no interest at this point. Then there was the New Year's Eve party. My lovely, wonderful friends embarrassed the crap out of me... multiple times. At this point, the interest was building, but there was another man at the same time. As midnight approached, I can remember my wonderful friends telling me that I'd "have a kiss for each cheek". The three of us have never been redder in our lives.

Time.

I began to hang out at the Residence Hall every chance that I had...which turned into every day. At first, all of my friends would hang out with me (it had been so long since I had hung out with them!) but eventually they stopped hanging out with me in the lobby for hours at a time...they had other stuff to do. But not Dan. We hung out the entire time. That's when my friends became horrendously wonderful.

A nudge here. A look there. I was ready to kill them all...as was Dan I suppose. One night Amber finally dragged me into her room and asked me point blank. "Who do you like? Dan or Nate?" It was the day that I had finally admitted to myself and another person that I had fallen for Dan. But the prodding always continued. My friends even tortured us when we were together. When John said something to Dan or Tessa said something to me Dan and I would not even look at each other. We knew that we liked each other. There was no doubt at this time.

Finally, one night as the group of us were sitting in the lobby, Dan finally looked at me as we were sitting right next to one another. He said "You know, I like you." I told him, "I like you too!"

Then he bolted up the staircase to use the bathroom. None of our friends had even heard. It wouldn't be a couple of weeks later, after we made plans to go out to dinner and a movie, we finally questioned what we were. That's when we officially became a couple. 

And I couldn't have been happier. Dan's made me the happiest girl in the world. He treats me better than I deserve sometimes with all of the crap that I give him. But no matter how stupid I am or how mean I could get, he stays with me. I don't get it, but I'm grateful. 

The first video, "God Gave Me You" is so true. My Abba knew what I needed and as soon as I let him pick the man that was meant for me, my happiness increase 10 fold! The second, "According to You" I feel just fits the situation. He says that I am "beautiful, incredible\He can't get me out of his head". The next, "Just a Kiss" is just so sweet and makes me think of him. And finally, "This" is how I feel... "Thank God for all I missed\Cuz it led me here to this".

Daniel Shumway, I love you more than I can write about here. You are my everything and my world. God truly did give me you and I am forever grateful!

Goodbyes

I've finally figured out something that I absolutely hate about college...you meet so many great people, then they leave. Of course, it's not their fault, it's not yours. It's just the way it is, but it doesn't make it any less sad nor hard. It seems like this year, so many people that I know and love are moving away to continue on their education. Even people I didn't get to know all that well seem to be leaving.


It's just the way things are I guess. Now, I've always hated "good-byes" and I always will. The words "good bye" seem so final and are so contradictory. When you say "good-bye" to a friend, their leaving doesn't seem to be good whatsoever. Sure, its probably what needs to be done, but, like I've said, it doesn't make it any easier. I know, it really is selfish on my part to feel this way but I can't help but feeling it.


Soon, even Dan will be heading off to a different school. Some other friends have already left. But this isn't the final "goodbye". It's more of a "see ya later!" and I think I can handle that. Besides, not everyone is leaving me. I still have quite a few friends that will still be around and I love them just as much as those that are leaving. Sure, things can and will change, but I know I can handle it.


So to all those pursuing their dreams from a farther distance, I wishyou all good luck. To the ones staying close, I wish the same. You have all touched my lives in some form or another - even if you don't think that a smile didn't go unnoticed or a word didn't go unheard, know that you have touched my life and I am forever grateful that my Abba brought us together - no matter how long or how brief our meeting was.


Good luck in your adventures both near and far! I love you all! :)


~Amy

Daddy

Its amazing just how quickly time passes. I mean, I'm suddenly 22 (nearly 23) and in college when it seemed like only yesterday I was entering high school. And it seems like only just yesterday you were taken from this earth.

10 years ago. It will have been 10 years on March 19th. It's so hard to believe that the time has already passed that fast, yet at the same time it still feels like forever and a day ago. It was the day that my life changed forever.

It was the day my daddy was taken from this earth.

It was a horrible time in my life and, despite how "put together" my life since has seemed afterwards, there has always been this deep-rooted pain that resides in my heart - a hole that will never again be filled. The jolts of pain have diminished throughout the years, but have never completely gone. It will never completely go away.

I think about all of things he has missed in my life - going to high school, teaching me to drive, interrogating my first boyfriend (and all of them after that), seeing me off to prom, awards nights, high school graduation, hearing about my scholarship, sending me off to college for the first time, meeting Dan, getting my associate of arts and now my associate of applied science in ECE...of course, then I realize he's smiling down on me from Heaven. But even so, I want him to someday give me away at my wedding, see his grandchildren...all of that stuff.

It is a somber and sad time right now in my life, and I have noticed I've been much more irritable than normal. For that, I do apologize to anyone it has affected. I'm trying my best to control that. Its just hard to go through my day realizing what I have lost...especially this time of year. He was my daddy.

I think about all the words I could have said and didn't or those that I did say and shouldn't. All the times I was angry with G-d and at myself. Thankfully those times have passed and I am much wiser about the whole thing. I've realized now that everything happens for a reason (something that I firmly believe!). Sad to say, if it wasn't for my father passing I might not have ever come to North Central, never have met my best friends, never met Dan, and maybe wouldn't even be in the career field that I've chosen to go into. I may not have gotten a job at the bookstore and met my most wonderful co-workers that G-d could have ever blessed me with! And, I probably would have never become a Messianic believe in Messiah Yeshua. I cannot imagine my life without this solid and real belief in my Abba. I may not have even believed at this point. In all my life, my faith has never been stronger than it is at this moment. I love it.

That's not to say that I would never want my father back. Of course I would do just about anything to have even one more day with him. I miss him terribly. What I wouldn't give to tell him I love him once more, to show him the young woman that I've become, for him to meet (and interrogate) Dan...all of it. My only solace is in the fact that one day I will meet him again.

I am always thankful, but this time of year I am even more thankful to have such wonderful friends surrounding me every day and a wonderful boyfriend to lift my spirits when they are low. My friends have done so every day lately whether or not they realize it. They were truly sent to me by my Abba and I have never been more thankful. Dan, Amber, Lou, John, and Tessa - thank you for helping me each and every day. Of course, there are numerous others that have made me smile without even realizing it; pulling me out of despair even if only for a minute or two helped greatly.

Of course, my family has always been there for me from the beginning, sharing in my grief. I love them so much and I also know that they were sent by my Adonai!

I will not say that things have been easy in the past 10 years. They have been a struggle and there have been many dark moments. There were many times that I didn't know what I was going to do...there were many times that I didn't even care. But the whole experience has made me into the person that I am today. It's been a long, hard road but I am finally happy with how everything in my life is. So, while I am mourning the passing of my father, I am also reminded of the things in my life that I do have now.

  Yis'ga'dal v'yis'kadash sh'may ra'bbo, b'olmo dee'vro chir'usay v'yamlich malchu'say, b'chayaychon uv'yomay'chon uv'chayay d'chol bais Yisroel, ba'agolo u'viz'man koriv; v'imru Omein.
     Y'hay shmay rabbo m'vorach l'olam ul'olmay olmayo.
     Yisborach v'yishtabach v'yispoar v'yisromam v'yismasay, v'yishador v'yis'aleh v'yisalal, shmay d'kudsho, brich hu, l'aylo min kl birchoso v'sheeroso, tush'bechoso v'nechemoso, da,ameeran b'olmo; vimru Omein.
     Y'hay shlomo rabbo min sh'mayo, v'chayim alaynu v'al kol Yisroel; v'imru Omein.
     Oseh sholom bimromov, hu ya'aseh sholom olaynu, v'al kol yisroel; vimru Omein.

May the great Name of God be exalted and sanctified, throughout the world, which he has created according to his will. May his Kingship be established in your lifetime and in your days, and in the lifetime of the entire household of Israel, swiftly and in the near future; and say, Amen.May his great name be blessed, forever and ever.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, honored elevated and lauded be the Name of the holy one, Blessed is he- above and beyond any blessings and hymns, Praises and consolations which are uttered in the world; and say Amen. May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life, upon us and upon all Israel; and say, Amen. 

The Blessed Little Ones

So tomorrow, I take the next step into my education in early childhood education program. Tomorrow I get to go visit the center I will be doing my practicum in. I am so terrified and excited at the same time! It is so amazing that such strong yet opposite emotions can exist in one human being at the exact same time.

First, I am terrified. Of course, almost everyone has a fear of the unknown but I have a tendency to let it plague me. I don't really know anyone there but the center's director (who I will not be seeing tomorrow). I don't know the layout, the children, the parents; no one! I also am not sure what to expect. Will the like me? Will they be welcoming or will the be reserved? How will it play out?

Of course, the biggest reason that I am terrified is that I am worried that I will not be able to cut it. I worry that I will not be good enough to teach such little ones. Ever since I realized that going into the early childhood education program here at the college was what I wanted to do with my life, I found that it was something that I've had experience with for the majority of my life! I saw so many things leading me up to this that I have been thinking that this is exactly where G-d wants me to be. I pray that it is of course, but there's still a feeling of inadequacy that I have not been able to shake. Am I right for the job? That's what this practicum will show me I guess.

Of course, I love children. I always have and I know I always will. I am so very excited to finally get into the program. When I get in despair about not being good enough, my Abba always seems to steer my mind back to my high school days when I took the ECE program in high school. How much fun did I have with that? So much so! It was one of the few things I actually liked about high school. The director and teacher there seemed to believe that I was a good fit for the program as I was one of the highest scoring people in my class. She can't be too wrong, can she?

Then I think back to xmas when I visited my aunt and uncle and spent the majority of the time interacting with my 9 year old cousin, Debra. Though she tired me right out, I still smile thinking back to that. Playing with her new nerf gun, then sitting at the table coloring Scooby-Doo and doing the word puzzles made me even more excited for the practicum experience than before!

Next week beings my semester long 12 hours a week at Watch Me Grow here in Petoskey and solidifies the choice I have made for myself. I already know that I will go through an emotional rollercoaster, but I've been on a bigger, scarier one before. My Adonai will not bring me to something that I cannot handle at all.